i know.

It's only been four months so it's not surprising that most days, you come into my mind and I still can't believe you're gone. I still cannot even fathom what it's like for you to be gone. It's like, now that you're gone, I have so many regrets about not being closer with you, about not going out of my way to see you more often, especially since we moved down the street. It feels like we are going to grow closer soon, it feels like our journey as cousins is not over, it feels like I need to see you, to talk to you, to laugh with you, to remind you that I love you. It's just been all surreal and even at your funeral, it didn't feel like you were gone. Even seeing your body laying there, without it's usual smile, it didn't feel like you were gone. It doesn't feel like you're really gone... it feels like I'm just going to see you next month for Thanksgiving, like we've always done. Or for Christmas. We have never spent a Thanksgiving or a Christmas without each other, and this years is fast approaching... and I'll miss you. I miss you. I miss you everyday, every time you pop into my mind, every time I think about church and God, or cars, or Arizona, or roads, or people named Mike, or family. All the time. Where are you, Mike? I know you're not gone.