a little bit more.

I am so ridiculously happy. Getting baptized was the best thing I ever did for myself. I know that I have had to give up a lot of things that were in my life before, and change the way I talk and even a little bit of the way I dress. I know I have to go to church every Sunday, and I know that I need to read the scriptures daily and pray often. I know 10% of what I make has to go to the church, and that I need to strive for a temple recommend, and to be a good example of what a Christian should be. I know that nobody expected me to get baptized, but I also know that once I started reading the Book of Mormon, I could not put it down and I know that I experienced feelings of happiness and comfort that were completely foreign to me.  I have not been this effortlessly happy in my entire life. I have never had the feeling of belonging quite like I do knowing that I am a member of the church. I have never been as proud of my life and of the decisions I've been making. I honestly can say that if my parents or even if God took a look at my decisions and my life, I would be proud. There have been so many times when my friends were going out or when I see my old friends that I wish I could drink and it's hard because I feel left out, but then I think about where my life was when I was drinking. I wasn't very happy, I didn't feel like I had too many good friends, I didn't pay attention to the actual friendship, I was ashamed of decisions I was making, and I was feeling empty and hopeless. Now I feel like a completely different person. I have a few amazing friends, who care about me and who I care about a ridiculous amount, I don't take my friends for granted and I am continuously thinking about how to be a better friend, or what I can do to make someone else's day better. I am always including people in my prayers, and I find myself smiling for no reason at all. I am just so proud and so happy of the decision I made to be baptized. I just cannot believe it took me so long to find this peace.

i am one very blessed girl.

Yesterday I was baptized into the Church of Jesus Christ of Ladder Day Saints and today I was confirmed in church. I feel absolutely amazing. The blessing my dad gave me was beautiful and I'm lucky that a lady from church wrote it down so that I can keep it forever. I was really overwhelmed stepping into the baptismal font and I started crying even before everything started. And after I received the gift of the Holy Ghost, I started crying again. They were tears of unconditional and inexplainable gratefulness. I have never felt this way in my life. Happy for no reason. I've been happy before, but it's been because good things were happening or coming, but right now, I am happy for no apparent reason. Just plain old happy. It's the most amazing feeling ever, effortless happiness. I was stunned at how many people came to support me, and am also continually stunned how many people do not support me.

It's really hard to go from who I was to who I want to be. It's not like I'm becoming a whole new person. I'm becoming a better version of me. A happier me. And I'm not going to lie, it's been hard to break old habits and sometimes I wonder what would happen if I just walked away from everything I'm pursuing so that everyone would talk to me again and be okay with me, but it's not right. What I'm doing right now is right. And I am going to take the advice of God, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Ghost to help guide me for the rest of my life because I have prayed about it and I have felt calm when I prayed for peace and I have been blessed when I've prayed for blessings and every time I pray, I feel better. And I will continue to pray that those who are not happy with my decision will come to see that it has made me a happier, better person and be willing to support their friend, as I would support them in any endeavor that was right for them. Already I know, I am one very blessed girl.