If you never force yourself to think about and cope with situations in your life, they will never get better. I have learned this the hard way. For so long, I convinced myself that if I could just get through the next few weeks, I wouldn't have to deal with anything; everything wrong would just disappear. But weeks turned into months and my coping methods got more and more dangerous and less and less helpful. I finally saved myself from my own vices and pulled myself together, enough to keep my life on track, but I never actually coped. I'm at a place in my life where things are running smoothly enough for me to actually reflect and think and deal with what I've never been able to deal with before. And I know this is not the end of dealing with this, for me, but it is a start. A start that has been long awaited.
I've given up the idea of you; of being with you, of being friends with you, of even seeing you ever again. I've given it all up. I am finally able to appreciate the experience and take it for what it is, and accept that it is a part of my past that holds absolutely no place in my future. It does still hurt, but it makes me realize what I lived through. I have no doubt that it will continue to hurt until I find somebody who can make me happy. And for the first time, I am okay with that, even excited about that. Letting go of you means opening myself up to new opportunities, giving other people a chance, not waiting around for somebody like you to walk in my life. I can't even figure out why I wanted another person like you, why I waited around for another person like you, because we were so obviously incompatible. So I'm saying goodbye to you, to the idea of you, to the you that never really existed but became such a character in my head. And I'm saying hello. Hello to a new me, hello to a new idea, hello to new experience, new opportunities, and the next chapter of my life.
